online dating weirdities

I've been spending a lot of time the past few months in the hopes of finding companionship and maybe true love on-line at the services. If you're not familiar with it, it's an odd experience, to be sure. Most of the services have you create a profile where you describe yourself and your interests. Each member searches through the profile, based on a choice of factors or by keyword.

Unfortunately, reading them can be a form of torture. Especially for me, since I fancy myself a writer and I'm very picky about spelling. There are all sorts of elements to the torture. You can probably guess a few of them -- lying about age or weight, using photos from many years ago, or photos of someone else. But here are some you may not know :

(1) There are more problems with the photos than the obvious ones. For instance:
(a) dark photos. (So dark I can't tell where the clothing or hair ends and the background begins.)
(b) the photos of her with her exboyfriend or ex-husband. (With the head whited out or with the face cut off. I guess she still has issues....)
(c) The Group Photo, usually with co-workers, friends, or sisters. (Not a bad concept, really. But in practice, there's always someone in the photo that looks much better than the one whose profile I'm looking at. No self-respecting woman would answer if asked about her friend instead of her. Also : her friend's probably married.)

(2) Profiles are Cliche Central. For instance :
(a) "My friends say I'm ...." (Or at least they say that to her face...)
(b) "I'm equally comfy in a formal dress and blue jeans." (But how is she in khakis?)
(c) "I love to travel" (Most of us do, but we can't afford to do much of it. Can she?)
(d) "no [emotional] baggage" (Right. If you get past 30, or you have a divorce, you've got baggage, you may not know where it's stored.)
(e) "I'm sick of the bar scene" (But she wanders back there once in a while...)
(f) "I see the glass half-full" (Of what?)
(g) "down to earth" (But she loves gossip and fashion magazines, romance novels, and makeup.)
(h) "Looking for Mr. Right" (But how much has she worked on being Ms. Right? Be a good partner, and you'll get a better partner.)
(i) "I'm family-oriented, with strong traditional values, looking to settle down." (I guess that's why she's posted that racy photo with the busts propped up, or in a come-on position draped over her bed.)
(j) "Liars and players, go elsewhere." (But she usually don't know who's lying or playing games until she knows them a while. Remember : the gamers know how to game her.)
(k) "I like all styles of music, except [multichoice, select from country, opera, rap, or metal]" (I have a radio show at one of the most widely-varied stations in the world, WUSB. I've heard it all. And I can say there's no style I don't like something from. But there are many genres and subgenres I overall don't like. How many women actually have listened to any styles or artists that are outside the Top 20 or MTV?)
(l) "Writing about myself is pure torture." (She wonders, 'do I have anything worthwhile to say about myself?' And comes up blank...)

There's much more where that comes from. An original, unusual, or honestly personal profile is rare. (That includes my own, which suffers from TMI.)